1.British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray.
2.My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."
3.No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea.
3.I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"
1.I’m glad Carol Vorderman has left Countdown, I mean it’s not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker.
2.My wife and I both made a list of 5 people we could sleep with…she read hers out and there were no surprises…1 George Clooney…2 Brad Pitt etc…I thought ‘Ive got the better deal here’…1 Your sister.
3.“You have to come up with this shit every year. Last week I just wrote ‘I still love you, see last years card for full details’” Talking about Valentines Day